my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
