you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
