Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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