I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
