Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
