Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
