Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
