she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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