tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
