So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
