I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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