dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
