my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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