The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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