I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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