that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
