ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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