I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
