the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
