names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
