Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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