soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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