i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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