4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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