Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
