last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
