did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
