my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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