dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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