This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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