My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
