how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
