Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
