ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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