Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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