The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
