Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
