JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
