If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
