i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
