so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
