I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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