It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
