Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
babies were throwing up all over the place
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize