my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
