What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
