Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
