i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
