He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
