Can i not drive my cunt home
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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